all my friends are hot

ever notice that? i cant be the only one to notice how purdy all their chums are srsly, all my friends are lovely beautiful people


aanyway, ever wanted to do something but just feared the step to change into uncertainty?
so i dont think i wrote on here but i quit my design job back in february. sometimes a mention of it was met with 'oh so wheres your new job then...?', followed by the look of total confusion when i said there was no next step, some couldnt comprehend the departure from routine 'living'.
i could not carry on that way, i started every day with complete dread, the hour drive to work, straight day of drama, hour drive home, late for dinner as had become the norm, sit on my own eating, carry on with 'homework', bed, repeat. if anyone cared, im sure they missed the real me, i know i sure did. not that there were many to begin with, but even less chance of socialising once uni ended and people left. i left uni with the plan to get a junior role, learn from a pro in the industry and work my way up. i landed head first into a job, thrust into a position of complete responsibility, i took the briefs, spoke to the clients, sorted the production, everything all along the way. i thought great a short cut hurrah and it looked great ahead. there were many times that terrified me, and heck there were some freakin awesome times. but there were some utter awful lows. some times i had this feeling deep in my chest, especially in the morning it seemed. i had felt the same feeling before, the choking heartache i felt regarding the girl of my first kiss, the day i had met her, and the last day i had her.

i felt as if i had got myself in too far with something i shouldnt have. i had once again convinced myself i would be fine despite inevitable failure. i was in far too deep out of my depth, i would try explaining to people my situation and it was always met with the same response, about how i was inexperienced and clearly incapable of managing for much longer. i would reply that i was alright, maybe if i said it enough times i would even convince myself. i would tell myself that pressure was just part of having a job, even if the pondering of how much it would hurt to turn the car into the motorway barrier to get a few days off work crossed my mind every morning (i mean like, how painful could it be? i would try not to involve other people so it would have to be quiet, maybe i would leave earlier or possibly later, after the rush hour traffic, i wouldnt want to inconvenience other people. it would have to be a sharp turn to make it dig in proper, but not too much as to roll the car, a few spins and a broken leg would be enough i guess)

i realised unhappiness and solitude, despite being the apparent core ingredients of adulthood, were not for me. some people seem to encourage drama so they have something to write about on their facebook status updates. besides i had never considered myself an adult, i didnt do much boozing, i would be lousy to start sleeping around at this age, and im pretty bad at anything else undignified and grown up like that.
so i quit. i chose life. and im happy.
some guy said to me, he envied me completely, the courage to jump the rat race.
i could never understand why some people stick to jobs they dont like, maybe society breeds indifference to dreams. im proud to be free, of course i dont just bum around moping, i kept my college job at a hotel, with the great workmates, in the evenings so daytimes free to see friends and family to make up for lost time, plus i do 4 days a month of help for the old company, but im not depended on, much better that way and i have loads of time to play cars and do photography!